Fill 'er up

I just said to a friend this past week that I have found myself quite busy...in fact....too busy for God. I knew it already, but just saying it aloud made it real. I have not had God on my brain or my heart except to say, I'll talk to ya later, gotta get this done right now, but never to return. My soul was feeling it too. I had become lost, and empty. Oh, my convictions were beaming, it was obvious to me, but I would continue to push them over as I would anything else that I felt was in my way. It would always show up, as if to remind me that it was there and I needed to deal with it, but still I continued ignoring it.

Then last night as if it were a Marquis sign, a message was given to me, and quite frankly I felt that it was directly to me. How can the spirit of God grow if you are only feeding the flesh? A great illustration was used with a red balloon (our spirit)inside of a white one (our flesh). Different sizes of the red balloon represented our spirit being fed. At one point, you could barely see the red balloon at all. It was very small compared to the white one, and it continued to grow as it was fed until there was really only a white covering over a fully inflated red balloon.

That was me, not the fully inflated red balloon, but the barely filled red balloon, and I had allowed it. I had made a choice that what was going on in my life was more important than what was going on in my soul. Sure alot of it was Church based activities, but sometimes we can get so wrapped up in what we are doing, that we forget why we are doing it. I havent picked up my Bible in weeks except to reference something, or in Church. What had I done that was so important that I put Gods word down? My answer.......nothing...absolutely nothing. If I was able to pencil in every other appointment, activity, and event in my planner maybe I should use a permanent marker to add God. A permanent marker can't be erased, or scribbled out, and neither can God. He is always here for us, whether we choose to accept his grace, so really there is no need to schedule Him in, He is already there. I have learned a hard lesson......Dont't get so busy in life that you forgot who gave you yours......and sacrificed His. Don't get on such a schedule that you have to pencil Him in, because He didnt pencil you in-He permanently marked you for grace and mercy if you accept it.

Help I am Becoming My Mother....and I Can't Stop!

The last couple of weeks has really been trying for me. I have realized in an instant why my mother is beginning to show in me. My oldest daughter, Mabree, who will soon be 11, has come to an age of all knowing, moody, grumpy, hormones on their way, insanity. I often remind her that the only one that is all knowing...is God. And very quickly she replies back to me, mhhmmm as if to say back at ya babe! I really dont know how I ever made it this far in life. My daughter seems to think I dont know my head from a hole in the ground....wow I must have been really lucky to be where I am today....

She does have valid points, which is where I quickly reference back to my childhood. I can remember when VCRs first came out (wow that dates me), and my mom had no clue how to work it, hook it up or any other electronic contraption for that matter. I also remember how crazy I thought she was for not knowing....I have recently found myself in the same situation. There are applications on my cell phone I didnt even know existed or how they operate. Mabree can figure them out quickly, only leaving me in limbo, because its "so easy, how could I not know how to do it". I feel more and more like my mom everyday. I'm not hip or in tune with all of the new techno stuff, or whats popular....and I almost always get a "you are not serious" look when I say "Oh these clothes were in style when I was young". What???? Did that just come out of my mouth???? I am becoming my mother....what has happened to me?

I have quickly learned that I have no clue about the world and how it revolves, and by the words of my daughter when referencing her substitute teacher as being in her 30s and OLD and possbily having dementia, because thats what happens to old people....Lord please help me....before my mind goes and I lose all control of bodily functions. I'm only a few years away from 40, I ll be needing a walker or wheelchair soon! Wow....I see now why my mom said and did the things that she did. I never thought I would ever see where my mom was coming from when she made the rules, just as my daughter will not see the purpose of my rules until she has children of her own. Life truly comes full circle, doesnt it?