Twelve Going On.......... Grown

Yes I know, I know, its been WAYYYY too long since I last blogged. I had hoped to be a more consistent blogger, but as with anything else in my life, it seems to take a back seat to.......well life.

I have recently discovered a 12 year old stranger living in my house. Her name is Mabree. Mabree....Mabree....why does that name sound familiar? Oh yeah! I conceived her, birthed her, changed her diapers, fed her, you know the usual. She has become somewhat of a mystery to me....and I mean that in the kindest most loving words ever. In one week, she went from a little girl who didnt mind dressing in front of me, or taking a shower while I was in the bathroom to OH MY GOSH MOM can I get some privacy?!?! Huh? Really? I just couldn't have imagined that in one weeks time my daughter would become a young lady.

I try really hard to think back to when I was 12. Oh so long ago, different time and place. At 12, I was boy crazy, with my first real boyfriend, we were going out. I remember my mom saying going out? Where do you think you are going out to? Of course she couldnt possibly understand what going out meant....jeez the nerve of her, right? Now I look at my daughter, and see how very different she is now than I was. She could care less about boys.....I think. She's very into clothes and her appearance (which I must say just came out of the blue), friends, going places....socializing. We are very strict and dont really think she needs a social calendar quite yet. I am trying so hard to hold on to the little girl who loved to play with dolls, and polly pockets, and littliest pet shop...but its fading very fast.
I called my mom recently for some moral support, but all I got was laughter coming through the phone.....the reason you ask? Because supposedly, (its all hearsay)I am now getting a dose of what I dished out to her, and somehow my mother finds that quite entertaining. I described Mabrees reaction to "The Talk" (you know the one) as a deer in headlights, only to have my mother respond...."whos the deer in the headlights now" as she chuckled.....although eventually after much laughter, she did give some good grounded advice....Keep the line of communication open, but be realistic about my expectations of what she will actually tell me. I dont want to be realistic, I want to know everything! Mabree is one of those inverted personalities too. Doesnt get too excited, never know how shes really feeling, unless its anger. She expresses that with nooooooo problem. Just ask any door in the house....
Something popped into my head a few days ago, and I wrote it down. "I pray God gives me the words I need when my daughter has her first broken heart over a boy who didnt deserve her." Now I pray that she will tell me when she starts liking boys. Mabree says she doesnt tell me things because I m too emotional about everything, and that I cry about EVERYTHING! I dont cry about everything....not everything...!! I love my girls, and anything they do makes me emotional....I cried at Mabrees first volleyball game. I cry at every dance recital and school program, oh and when she sings in church, solo or group, or when she has done or said something so sweet....yeah shes right... I cry about everything....hahaha
I think my only alternative is to go with the flow. Very difficult to do when you're a control freak like myself. If I have any chance at all, I ll have to cry privately, and just be a sounding board for her.....ever so gently offering advice when solicited. Ya'll just pray for me....I need all I can get....and is it medically possible to remove tear ducts????