Mabree Caraline

August 31, 1998....the day my pregnancy test showed positive, the day my life changed forever......the day I became a mother. I had never had a feeling like that before in my life.

My husband and I had tried to have a baby for about 4 1/2 years prior to that day. Attempt after attempt, procedures, medicines, tests....I thought it would never happen. Everyone around us was having children, were we destined to be without? I was on my second round of fertility drugs, and taking my temperature. How unromantic it had become, with a chart on the nightstand, trying to be exact with spikes in temp. If only I had been saved by God at that point, maybe I would have had faith that He would not leave me barren.

I was taking pregnancy tests every month, and as much as I wanted this one to be positive, I knew not to get too excited. My husband had gone hunting that morning (this was before beepers and cell phones)and would be gone all day. I carefully unpacked the test, read the instructions a million times, I wanted to make sure I did everything just as the directions said. Now the wait...I decided to completely leave the room for the 2 minutes, because I couldn't bare to watch the dissapointment. I came back into the bathroom after what seemed like eternity, and looked at the test, looked at the instructions, back and forth, countless times.....it couldnt be right, I couldnt be pregnant....but I was, at least I was almost sure.....so the only thing I knew to do, was to call my best friend, who had worked with an infertility specialist, just to make sure..(I wasnt a nurse at this time). She got emotional and confirmed what I already knew.

Now the wait until the new dad came home. My nervous energy got the best of me, so I decided to go do a little shopping. I decided to get my husband a gift.....so I carefully picked out a set of pacifiers and teething ring. I wrapped them in a box and sat them on the counter and eagerly waited his arrival. I tried to keep myself busy but I just wanted to scream it from the roof......I'M HAVING A BABY!!!!!!! When he came into the house, I listened as he took his gear off, trying to be patient, I walked to the kitchen to wait for him to round the wall. Oh come on already....

As he appeared FINALLY, I handed him the box. He said "whats this?", I told him to just open it, it was a surprise. So he carefully unwrapped the box and when he opened the lid, he looked at the foreign object with a confused look on his face...and then looked at me and said "Are you pregnant?" Of course, I began to sob like a baby myself and just shook my head.

It didnt take my body long to figure out that something wasnt right. I have never been so sick ever in my lifetime. I began losing weight, and the dr wanted me to come in immediately. I had Hyperemesis gravadarum, or extreme morning sickness that lasted 24/7. I didnt eat very much during that time and after it was all said and done, I had lost over 20 pounds in a one month period. My OB did an ultrasound and thought it may be unsafe for me to continue the pregnancy. He could see signs of kidney failure....my only response to him was "I am not aborting this baby, I will die first." He said back to me.."then you better find a way to get nourishment." After different meds, a few hospitalizations, IV fluids at home, and some time....my body decided it would let up. What really amazed me was that it wasnt my body doing the attacking at all....it was my mind..(didnt find out the reason until years later in nursing school). It was from events that occurred during my childhood of which I had no control, and again when I became pregnant, my mind was flooded with the inability to control.

On May 3, 1999, I gave birth to a beautiful 6lb 14oz baby girl. The birth was without complications, and in that instant..two became three and my world and heart were changed forever. Its amazing to me that the moment I met Mabree I was instantly in love. The little kicks and punches I had felt for so long had now materialized into this child, and she was mine. God's greatness wrapped in a blanket nestled in my arms.........God is good!